http://kidstraveldoc.com/childrentravelimmunizations/.
This is the article you are to use to write a blog. I\’m trying to convinced mothers on why vaccination are good for their children.
This is my draft.. Please write the final blog:
Hi Professor and class mates,
Here is my draft of the unit 4 assignment. Thank you in advance for your feedback.
Blog post title: Children/Travel/Immunizations
As a parent, we are the most worry about our children well-being and health. We live in a world, where diseases have become a part of our everyday life. We along with our children travel, interact, and socialize with many people not really knowing their health conditions. There are many preventable diseases that are passed around from people to people. I came across an article that talked about the importance of children being fully vaccinated. The author of the article believed that the reason most children these days are catching preventable diseases is because they are not fully vaccinated.
Vaccination is a very controversial matter. Some family believe that vaccinations are bad for their kids, most parents have never seen cases of the illnesses that these vaccines prevent, some parents erroneously conclude that vaccination is no longer necessary and that, possibly, the vaccines are riskier than the disease. But these vaccinations are very necessary and these diseases do exist. Its a big world and not everybody we come across will have a sticker of any diseases or health issues they have. As our children travel and interact daily with different people. We need to make sure we are keeping them safe by keeping up with their vaccinations.
What can we do as parents, to ensure to our children and others of the importance of these vaccinations? We could educate them on the many different preventable diseases, hoping that the effects of these diseases will make the parents and children understand the importance of being vaccinated. How can we keep track of our children vaccination records? We can keep track by calling the doctors office, or keeping up with their regular checkups. Another thing we can do is make sure our families and regular visitors are up to date with their vaccinations. Remember the flu shot is a year-round thing, so always remember to take your kids in for their flu shot.
As you and I know and as the article points out, preventable diseases are everywhere. Traveling, visiting, even playing in the park etc. Therefore, we must keep out children and ourselves safe by keeping up with these vaccinations.
When your children are outside, there is no telling what they get into or what they come across. Its up to you to keep them safe.
My revision plan:
So far, I got a pretty clever idea on my focus and where Im heading to. Im mainly concern about my grammar and punctuations. Does anyone have suggestions on how I can better my grammar and punctuations skills? To help me, I will go down to the Kaplan library and have one of those tutors feedback and will also use the feedbacks you all give me!
Lawreva
This is the feedback I got from my instructor. Please use what she said.
Hi
Some feedback is below:
Does the draft answer your questions about the topic?
One thing that could be helpful to include is explaining how vaccinations work to create \”herd immunity\” which is what makes them so effective. Otherwise, you did a great job covering the information in good detail.
Can you as a reader understand the purpose of the document?\’
The purpose is to persuade parents to vaccinate their children.
Are there places where you feel more needs to be said?
Perhaps you could address what parents can do if they have children who are unable to be vaccinated (a child with cancer, for example). Also aim to round out your concluding paragraph further by reiterating the most important information that you want your reader to be left with.
Using your knowledge of the revision process, what suggestions could you make for revising this draft?
Consider doing a bit of research to see what you can add in support of your points.
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